Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
