Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
