I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
