Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think your dad took our porno
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
