i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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