Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
