Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
