Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
