I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
