Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
