All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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