dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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