I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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