Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
