Tell her she can't have a vagina
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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