and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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