i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
