obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
