She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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