im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
