i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
