im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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