Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
