Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
