Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
