Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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