do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
