Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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