Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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