so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
