apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
