So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
All I want is dick and wine.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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