There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
be right there i have to get my cape
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
