y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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