Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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