I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You left your underwear on the fireplace
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
