this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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