youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
