You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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