Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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