When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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