Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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