You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
What did we do last night that was yellow?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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