After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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