What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
