Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
