i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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