You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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