(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
