Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
